Seriously, enough with the fucking bulletins. That shit ain’t real, man. And while you’re at it, fuck the Amber Alert for Andrea Montoya. That shit ain’t real either. There should be an IQ test for people to get on Myspace or at least a tutorial on how to use fucking Google. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Reminds me of why MxPx are one of my favorite bands ever, why Aaron Sprinkle is one of my favorite producers ever, and why Tooth and Nail is one of my favorite record lables EVER. And I’m not even a Christian. Yet….DUN DUN DUN!

And while I’m here, I guess I should mention that I had a chance to catch the band at this year’s SXSW and grab some video footage of them playing one of my least favorite (but probably their most popular) song “Chick Magnet.” Check it out and buy their goddamn (or I guess godblessed) record when it drops July 17th.

chugga chugga chugga <cookie moster vox> SOUNDS LIKE THIIIIIIIIISSSSS!

Actually it sounds la lot ike a Hawthorne Heights record only…well, it pretty much sounds exactly like Hawthorne Heights. Which is fine with me, since I actually kind of like Hawthorne Heights. And so do a few other people I guess, because, according to the totally unbiased press release: “It WILL be one of the top 10 selling records in the country” I mean not, to toot their own horn or anything, but in case you were wondering “HOW CAN SILVERSTEIN DEBUT IN THE TOP 10 WITHOUT ANY NETWORK TV APPEARANCES? NO COMMERCIAL RADIO PLAY? NO VIDEO AIRPLAY? NO MAGAZINE COVERS????”………………….OMG IDK!!!! the suspense is killing me! Tell me, press release, HOW IS IT POSSIBLE????

“ANSWER: GREAT MUSIC AND REAL FANS” And you forgot, totally awesome press releases!

Is probably one of the most annoying records I’ve listened to in a really long time.

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And Google Earth has the proof!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO’S PARANOID NOW, MOM???

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Our friends and fellow Chicoans Brighten are currently on tour with Hawthorne Heights on the appropriately titled Show Must Go On Tour. If you live in the following cities, attendance is mandatory. If you don’t live in any of those cities, do the next best thing and get your ass to Best Buy where you can find the bands amazingly epic debut King vs. Queen. It’s worth it, trust me.

6/15 Birmingham, AL @ City Stages
6/16 Jackson, MS @ Jubilee Jam
6/17 Fort Walton Beach, FL @ The Swamp
6/18 Tallahassee, FL @ Floyd’s Music Store
6/19 New Orleans, LA @ House of Blues
6/20 Houston, TX @ Meridian
6/21 San Antonio, TX @ White Rabbit
6/22 Corpus Christi, TX @The Pavilion at Concrete Street
6/23 Dallas, TX @ Palladium Ballroom
6/24 Tulsa, OK @ Cain’s Ballroom
6/26 Tempe, AZ @ Marquee Theatre
6/27 Anaheim, CA @ House of Blues
6/28 Las Vegas, NV @ House of Blues
6/29 Sparks, NV @ New Oasis
6/30 Salt Lake City, UT @ Great Salt Air
7/1 Englewood, CO @ Gothic Theatre
7/3 Fargo, ND @ Playmakers Pavilion
7/5 Grand Rapids, MI @ Orbit Room
7/6 Kitchener, ONT @ Elements
7/7 Clifton Park, NY @ Northern Lights
7/8 Portland, ME @ The Station
7/9 Burlington, VT @ Higher Ground Ballroom
7/10 Hartford, CT @ Webster Theatre
7/11 Poughkeepsie, NY @ The Chance
7/12 Richmond, VA @ Toads Place
7/13 Winston-Salem, NC @ Ziggy’s
7/14 North Myrtle Beach, SC @ House of Blues