Dude you can’t make this kind of shit up. Black Lemurs in Madagascar hunt down Giant Millipedes, biting their head not hard enough to inflict mortal injuries, but just hard enough to coax the millipede into secreting its venomous juices, which the lemurs rub all over their bodies and get stoned as motherfuckers. Recreational zoopharmacognosy? Maybe Terrence McKenna was right!!111

Apparently, the coyotes of Southern California have decided that children would make delicious dinners:

Wardens have spotted the coyote that tried to drag a 2-year-old girl from her front yard Tuesday in Lake Arrowhead, about 65 miles east of Los Angeles, but did not have a clear shot to fire. They have since set up traps for it. Authorities were also investigating reports of two possible attacks earlier this year in the same resort town in which a coyote may have bitten two young children in the buttocks as their father barbecued on the deck.

In the latest case, police said her mother was photographing the toddler and her siblings in front of the house when she ran inside to put the camera down. That’s when a coyote tried to make off with the toddler. The girl was treated for wounds to the head and neck, but was expected to survive. Dotti Edwards, a neighbor, came home after the attack and spotted a scrawny coyote in the street. Her neighbors have complained of coyotes in recent weeks with reports of the wild animals sleeping in yards and pestering residents.

“They’re so brazen right now,” she said. “They just stand there and look at you.”

Earlier, a coyote attacked a 2-year-old girl playing in a city park in Chino Hills, a suburb 30 miles east of Los Angeles that is connected to a state park.

The next day, a coyote in the same place made a beeline for another child, but the father scared it away. Since last year, there have been seven coyote attacks in the Chino Hills area, including four in which children were bitten. State wildlife officials have killed 23 coyotes to protect the public

“If they see a young child and they have a chance, yeah they’ll take it,” said Kevin Brennan, a state wildlife biologist.

The problem will be easy enough to solve however. We’ll just keep building building McMansions and suburbs over the land where coyotes have lived for a bajillion years, keep shooting them whenever they act like coyotes, then wait until there’s like three left before deciding that we might actually like to keep them around, for posterity. The American way!

Dolly Parton is apparently not too thrilled about being the subject of one of Howard Stern’s trademark audio book remixes:

Country legend Dolly Parton isn’t flattered by a recent Howard Stern parody, in which the satellite radio host mashed up Parton quotes to make it sound as if the singer were spewing offensive and racist remarks. In a post on her official website, Parton is quoted as saying she has “never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated” in her life, and even hints and at potentially suing the shock jock.

Check out the clip in question below. I think it’s funnier than shit, but I’m also a fucking asshole.

Though the Velvet Rope has gotten inundated with n00bs and dudes whose qualifications as an “industry insider” are playing in a band for a few days back in the ’70s, sometimes it still provides interesting tidbits, such as this list of everyone TVT Records, who recently declared bankruptcy, owes money to. The list includes Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger (who is owed $945.46), Aaron Spelling Productions (owed a whopping $0.86) and some lesser known folks owed a far more substantial amount of money, such as Kaye Scholer LLP, owed upwards of $4,000,000. Elsewhere in the thread there is much lulz to be found, for those interested in the inner workings of a failed record label. Perusal is recommended. 

Anberlin certainly have gone in a new direction with their forthcoming major label debut, New Surrender. Maybe they should get Aaron Sprinkle back behind the boards

A trailer for Metallica’s new Mission:Metallica website features a sneak preview of some of the new songs on the band’s forthcoming Rick Rubin produced album. Metallica are of course one of most bad ass bands of all time, and even if they fucked off on the last couple of records, any true Metallica head still has hope that James Hetfield will pull a few Puppets-era riffs out of his ass and make this new record hard as f. Plus the band finally canned Bob Rock, which is definitely a start. Now if they could just start slamming Jaegermeister and writing “EET FUK” on their guitars again they’d really be getting somewhere!