Artificial Hymen?!

Excuse me for a second…::vomit::.. ok, let’s do this.

Somewhere in the far east, there are countries that still have elements of shame.  This lost concept in western civilization is something that historians believe disappeared sometime between the Summer of Love and the opening of Studio 54. In any case, I stumbled upon something today that really messed my whole perspective of sex up, and I wanted to share this little slice of heaven with our beloved readers.

An artificial hymen is apparently a thin layer of material that is inserted into the vagina that’s used to replicate the feeling of a dude drunkenly penetrating his girlfriend on prom night. The creepy part is the product’s commitment to detail, which goes as far as to replicate blood that would naturally come out during the act. I tried running a Google image search, but quickly clicked away from the link… this shit is sick.

Some words from the poorly translated website:

[Usage]
1 Wash hands wipe away, forced overpack, were taken from the plastic bags, “Joan red” on the pack to disregard the small group, clamping and pointed his index finger into the vagina to the depths, as soon as possible implantation. Implantation must act fast to avoid sticky fingers in the lead up
2 Placement 15–20 minutes before sex act
3 Woman should be appropriate to change position so that the man can not get in the beginning, and tearing pain with the ruptured hymen and shy like a better effect
4 Cleaning the color after sex act
5 The products easy to operate and simple-to-use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use, no allergic reaction
[Effectiveness]
Artificial because there’s no side effect to human component is the natural glue, drug-inflated, carboxymethyl cellulose-based water-soluble detergent. “Artificial hymen” placed inside the vagina, thermal expansion and dissolve secretions, and quickly shut the vagina, penis, one of the sealant has a blood red liquid based agent with the penis and vulva tic and the mixed paper. If the mixture of pain and shy like a better effect.
[Note]
Cleansing the “blood” after sex act, stored at normal temperature.
[Package]
Aseptic carton packaging aluminum foil bag, compact and easy to carry.
[Shape]
Red translucent membrane, 5cm x 3.5cm x 0.02cm, soft, water-soluble red mucus dissolves into blood, contaminated clothing.
[Load]
2 pieces/pack
[Origin]
Chiba, Japan Miyamoto Brothers Ltd.

The problem is that I have issues buying overseas. I mean if I’m getting a hymen for my misses, I want that shit made in the good olde’ USA, amIright?! Luckily I found a dealer in the US, who offered up a pleasant description.

No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.

Clinically proven non-toxic to human?! I’m in!!!

Tags: artificial hymen, disgusting, fake cherry, fake virgin, sick shit