Dead Bigfoot Found… WAT

Wow, today’s been kind of a big day for science, huh? First we have cyborg-rat robots and now this.

Claims are now made that a Bigfoot (is Bigfoot a species?) has been found dead in Georgia by two men, and authorities are currently testing it’s DNA. If this is a reality, it will be a huge scientific breakthrough, and fat 45 year old conspiracy theorists everywhere will have the joys of repeating “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” over and over again. This is what has been released so far…

* The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
* It weighs over five hundred pounds.
* The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
* It is male.
* It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
* It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.
* The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
* Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at the heel.
* From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
* The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)
* The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
* DNA tests are currently being done and the current DNA and photo evidence will be presented at the press conference on Friday, August 15th.

Lucky for us, one graphic artist was at the scene, and was able to render a digital image of what the monster looks like, pictured below.

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