Homeland Security’s Awesome New Plan

Last night I was drinking with some buddies. A friend that recently took a plane to LA and back told me how not only did he accidentally fly with a lighter that the security overlooked, but while waiting for his plane he met a young woman that used to work for a popular airline. She told him that if anyone of the low level employees wanted to, they could get away with something really destructive due to the lack of security and monitoring of the workers. Pretty comforting, huh?

Well, searching around the rants and raves section of Craigslist today, I saw Homeland Security’s new business plan for weeding out terrorists. This has got to be their best work yet, and I really commend them for thinking outside the box.

MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY!

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife, and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America!

It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don’t send this to at least 5 people you’re a terrorist sympathizing lily-livered coward and are in the position of posing as a national threat!

I’m not a lily-livered coward, so I will be doing my part in this great movement forward. God bless America.

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