RIP: My Favorite Shorts

So my girlfriend finally decided that my favorite shorts, some ancient se7en jeans that long ago became cut-offs, have long since passed their expiration date and need to be thrown in the trash immediately. This is a sad day. I mean, besides the giant blood stain on the left leg, the thin strand of material separating my balls from the free air and that fact that anyone caring to look can basically see the outline of my dick at any point during the day, I don’t really see what’s wrong with these shorts. But whatever. I’ll just get some new ones, which will some day be old ones, and then one day I’ll die and it won’t matter anyway.

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