Amy Winehouse just keeps getting hotter and hotter man. She’s almost on Orc status now, and let me tell you what, nothing gets my dick harder than ORCS, BRO! You know what’s hotter still? According to London’s Sunday Times, Winehouse is now worth upwards of $20 million. For $20 million I’d fuck Jocelyn Wildenstein…actually she’s probably got more loot than that anyway, being that she’s spent $4 million on plastic surgery alone over the last couple decades in an attempt to make herself look like a lion-donkey hybrid.

The scariest part: though the top picture is unfortunately not really Amy Winehouse (yet) the above picture is actually a complete undoctored photo of Mrs. Wildenstein, former wife of the late French billionaire Alec Wildenstein and proof that rich people are just as stupid as regular people, only they can afford it!

Glastonbury Festival lineup was just leaked on the internets…

FRIDAY, JUNE 27

Pyramid stage
Kings Of Leon
the Fratellis
Editors
the Gossip
the Feeling
KT Tunstall
Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly
the Subways
Kate Nash
(more…)

The question above is a good one. On this hand, you have Barry Zito; a season into a seven year, $126 million contract, Zito has established himself as one of baseball’s bottom of the barrel starting pitchers. On the other, you’ve got Mike Hampton; at the tail end of receiving millions upon millions of dollars for 100+ missed starts over the past seven seasons. ESPN analyst Jayson Stark has a nice contrast and comparison here.

I don’t know why, but everyone’s been tuning into this blog about the dissection of a giant squid. Takes me right back to Marine Biology, 10th grade. My lab partner was a lesbian and way too interested in the dissection of squid.

Hearing all this BS about a Roger Clemens / Mindy McCready tryst amidst his defamation of character suit against former trainer McNamee, I realized that I have never sat down and watched a baseball game in a decade, and that I have never listened to one of Mindy McCready’s songs. So here’s to rectifying the latter.

Yeah… It’s fair to say that I like Nashville’s Pop Radio sensations as much as I like watching baseball. That is, this much:

Which I guess makes me Un-American. C’est la vie.

I had to kick a she-bum out of my backyard this morning for attempting to hijack our recycling. And no, our yard is not open to the alley; she strolled right on through the back gate and right up to the house to hunt for bottles and cans.

Upon being caught red-handed, the 40 year old (looking more like 60) derelict responded, “The girl and guy told me I could take them. They said I could get them whenever I wanted. Does she still live here?” Hmmm… Last time I checked my roommates don’t give filthy street urchins open invitations to scavenge our home. But what? What is that you say?

“Why would I lie?”

Meaning, why wouldn’t I believe you? Oh I don’t know. Maybe because you’re a squalid and contemptible vagabond with no teeth and streaks of black grease all over your face.

Have a nice day! Come back soon!

BUMS: Part 1