A soldier’s father posts a video of still photos from the barracks in Fort Bragg, North Carolina…

Yeah, sign me up for the army…

I’m not a vegetarian, but this is why I don’t really like going to zoos or animal parks…

A 30-year-old dolphin at Sea World has died after colliding with another dolphin while performing aerial tricks, the Orlando, Florida, amusement park said Monday.

The incident occurred about 4:30 p.m. Saturday at the Discovery Cove area of the park, according to a statement by Sea World spokeswoman Becca Bides.

The animals were in the center of the lagoon and not near guests, she said.

The dolphin who died was named Sharky. The other dolphin, Tyler, is being watched by veterinarians but appears to be fine, Bides said.

“This is an unfortunate, random incident,” Bides said in a written statement.

“While it is not unusual to have two animals performing aerial behaviors at the same time, we are reviewing the situation to ensure even such a random incident does not occur again.”

RIP, big fella.

You can add scalpers alongside dog killers on the list of people Trent Reznor doesn’t kick it with. For the band’s upcoming tour, the best tickets to each show will be reserved for a limited NIN.com personalized presale:

Nine Inch Nails has secured extremely limited allotments of the guaranteed best possible seats to every headlining show on the band’s upcoming tour and reserved them for pre-sale via NIN.com. Beginning roughly 72 hours prior to each general on-sale, Nine Inch Nails fans registering under their legal names at NIN.com will be offered exclusive advance access to these prime tickets.
Additionally, in an initiative to protect NIN fans from scalpers and ticket brokers, every pre-sale ticket will be personalized with the purchaser’s legal name printed on the ticket. Tickets will not be available until night of show, at which point they will be waiting for the purchaser and his/her party at designated will calls at separate entrances to be used exclusively by NIN.com pre-sale ticket holders.
Government-issued ID matching the name printed on the ticket will be required for venue entry night of show. NO tickets will be mailed in advance.

Never Forget. Nine Inch Nails is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS

NIN. ITZ SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

Humor us with captions!

Click to enlarge Bill’s boredom.

Like many comedians, Mike Myers has had some career ups and downs. Sure Wayne’s World, So I Married an Ax Murderer and the first Austin Powers movies cannot be touched, but I wasn’t sold on the rest of the Powers franchise, and Shrek always kinda bugged the bejesus out of me. Until I see if for myself I will reserve judgment on his new feature film, The Love Guru (in theaters 6/20).

The plot follows Pitka (Myers), an American baby left at an Indian Ashram doorstep and raised by mystics, and his rise to fame and fortune as a self-help guru. His newest mission is to reunite a black hockey player (I know, HA-HA) with his estranged wife so that he can win the Stanley Cup…or something like that. I don’t know, I kinda spaced out half-way through the second Rehashed Austin Powers joke. Oh yeah, shoot, I’m supposed to be reserving my judgment…

In the plus side, there are a few Hindu Spiritual Leaders already up in arms about the film, namely Rajan Zed who read the first Hindu Prayer in the US Senate in 2007. But I actually take the upsetting of fundamentalists to be a good sign for the movie. Comedy should be swatting the bee hive a little bit. In comedic terms, “safe” is another way of saying “shite.”

Anyway, here’s the trailer:

I’m glad Cornershop is making some sync rights money from the movie. Their “When I Was Born For the Seventh Time” album was way fun back in the day.

Former Saturday Night Live cast member Cheri Oteri’s father was murdered by his roommate Richard Fagan on, chillingly, Saturday night. Gataeno Thomas “Tom” Oteri was a Nashville music producer that had collaborated with Fagan on several songs. Fagan was pulled over for DUI shortly after the murder. He told the police he and Oteri had gotten in an argument and he had slashed Oteri across the chest with a pocket knife before leaving the scene. Tom Oteri died at 69 due to a wrist laceration. Both men were drunk at the time of the fight. Synthesis’ condolences go out to Cheri Oteri.