9/11 Conspiracy Theories ‘Ridiculous,’ Al Qaeda Says

“America’s Finest News Source” certainly lives up to its name. If you have more time to kill, you should check out their world atlas “Our Big Dumb World” if you haven’t already. It’s scathing satire on just about every country in the world. This week’s featured country is Kenya, which is described as a “natural breeding ground for the world’s top long-distance runners, who learn at a very early age the art of running as far away as they possibly can from Kenya.”

Like you needed another reason to buy a Nintendo Wii.

My boss will think this is funny. I just think people have too much time on their hands.

A Georgia elementary school teacher was in for a surprise last Friday when 8-9 of her students, both boys and girls, planned to bind and stab her after being angered over the scolding of a fellow student for standing on a chair. The extent of the students’ planning and premeditated preparation is astonishing:

Police Chief Tony Tanner said the students apparently planned to knock the teacher unconscious with a glass paperweight, bind her with handcuffs and duct tape and then stab her with a broken steak knife.

The scheme involved a division of roles, Tanner said. One child’s job was to cover windows so no one could see outside, and another was supposed to clean up after the attack. Associated Press

It’s not clear how many of the students really knew of the intent to harm the teacher as some said they simply thought it was a joke. Nevertheless two students were arrested on juvenile charges, and a third arrest is expected. In the end the no one was harmed, but things could have been worse. Even if the students hadn’t intended to kill their teacher, who can really say how it all would’ve turned out. One thing’s for sure though, stories like this aren’t really going help fulfill any shortage of teachers in the US. Molding young minds seems to be more dangerous than ever.

-Handcuffs and Knife the children planned to use.

John McCain and David Letterman exchanged insults in a duel roast monologue in his return visit to The Late Show With David Letterman

From the NY Times:

“He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys,’’ he said, according to a transcript provided by CBS. “He looks like the guy who can’t stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing. He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine. He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of new places. He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the car wash.’’

Then Mr. McCain walked out on stage.

“Hi, Letterman,’’ he said. “You think that stuff’s pretty funny, don’t you?”

Then Mr. McCain unleashed a slew of his own you-look-like-a-guy jokes at Mr. Letterman.

“Well, you look like a guy whose laptop would be seized by the authorities,’’ Mr. McCain said. “You look like a guy caught smuggling reptiles in his pants.’’

Mr. Letterman interjected: “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.’’

Mr. McCain continued: “You look like the guy who the neighbors later say, ‘He mostly kept to himself.’ You look like the night manager of a creepy motel.’’

“Well, that’s what I need,’’ Mr. Letterman said.

Then Mr. McCain delivers the coup de grace: “And you look like the guy who enjoys getting into a hot tub and watching his swim trunks inflate.’’

On Tuesday, everybody was a comedian. The Democratic National Committee came up with its own April Fool’s day list of the “Top 10 Reasons to Vote for John McCain.” They included “Early Bird Specials at the White House cafeteria,” “Finally, the President of the National Press Club will be made a member of the cabinet,’’ “Best Karaoke Song Ever: ‘Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran’ ” and the number one reason: “The last seven years have been so great, let’s have four more!”

The gay community got pretty ticked off at Jay Leno for making insensitive comments during an interview with actor Ryan Phillippe this past Thursday. Phillippe didn’t seem too stoked about the whole experience either. I’ve been nice enough to include the video here:

However, Leno has apologized for his comments:

“In talking about Ryan’s first role, I realize that what I said came out wrong. I certainly didn’t mean any malice. I agree it was a dumb thing to say and I apologize.”

From the video, it doesn’t seem like Jay meant anything bad by it. Leno also brought up an old commercial Phillippe had done in which he had to run around naked. The Tonight Show host mentioned that he found out about Phillippe’s first role as a gay man on a soap opera and the revealing commercial by Googling his name. When you Google my name, the first thing that comes up is this. Unfortunately, my abs don’t look half that good.