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Archive for March, 2008
Chicken Factory Worker’s Got Mad Skills
Author: AJ27 Mar
If you’re feeling a little down that your boy Chikezie got bounced from American Idol last night, check out this talented Brit rocking out to “Barbie Girl” on Pop Idol.
New Zealand Man Raped By Wombat, begins speaking “Australian.”
Author: spencer27 Mar
And the world turns…
um….?
A 48-year-old orchard worker has been sentenced to 75 hours community work after calling police to complain he was being raped by a wombat.
Arthur Ross Cradock, of Motueka, called police on February 11 and informed them the rape was taking place at his house and he required assistance, The Nelson Mail reported.
He later called back asking to retract the claim.
“Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know,” he told the operator.
Cradock pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose.
Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life.
- NZPA
…..uhhhh? Wait……
From The Telegraph:
Cradock, an orchard worker, later called back to reassure the police operator that he was all right.
“I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all.”
He pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work.
Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court that alcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life.
Judge Richard Russell said he was not sure what had motivated Cradock to make the extraordinary claim.
In sentencing Cradock, he warned him not to do it again.
uh….
First off, WOMBAT RAPE IS NOT FUNNY.
Nerf Guns Terrorize College Campus
Author: AJ27 Mar
If you were a rambunctious little boy as I once was, you probably have fond memories of firing foam projectiles at your best friends with a sleek Nerf Bow and Arrow or Blast-A-Ball. Everyone needs a little combat in their lives, and I’ll confess, I still own some Nerf weaponry (granted, it’s a far cry from the arsenal I use to have at the age of eight, and the guns just don’t fire the way they use to). Still, there’s nothing quite like the smell of foam in the morning.
The kids at Bowling Green State University however aren’t so lucky. In 2006 two students were arrested and others cited for “disorderly conduct” while taking part in a week long, glorified game of Nerf tag called Humans v. Zombies. Students carrying Nerf guns on campus found themselves being targeted.
“The police began issuing citations after receiving several phone calls from people concerned that weapons were being carried on campus…” and the University Chief of Police was quoted as saying that they “do not allow weapons or facsimiles of weapons on campus.” BG News
Are you kidding me? Since when is an oblong, bright orange and purple foam shooter similar to any type of death dealing mechanism? This is just ridiculous.
Two years later Bowling Green students are trying their luck again with another round of Humans v. Zombies but their fortune appears to be much of the same.
“The University might hamper the second round of BG Undead’s game play after the announcement was made last week to place an immediate ban on the use of Nerf guns on campus.” BG News
Nevertheless, students will still be participating, using rolled up socks instead of Nerf guns. They better be careful though. The way these college cops behave, a rolled up sock could be considered a facsimile of a grenade.
Vote Little Hillary for President
Author: Daniel Taylor27 Mar
Who needs bee costumes when you got Chilean midgets in drag dancing with dudes in bondage masks? As our homie C Bloom would say, La Pequeña Hillary Clinton ain’t no punk.
AT&T CEO Says Americans are Too Stupid To Take Back Outsourced Jobs
Author: Daniel Taylor27 Mar
In 2006, AT&T promised to return 5000 of the jobs it had outsourced to India back to America. However, according to CEO Randall Stephenson, America’s increasing stupidity is making it hard to fulfill that promise:
“We’re having trouble finding the numbers that we need with the skills that are required to do these jobs,” AT&T Chief Executive Randall Stephenson told a business group in San Antonio, where the company’s headquarters is located.
So far, only around 1,400 jobs have been returned to the United States of 5,000, a target it set in 2006, the company said, adding that it maintains the target.
Stephenson said he is especially distressed that in some U.S. communities and among certain groups, the high school dropout rate is as high as 50 percent.
By “certain groups,” he of course means black people, American Indians and Hispanics.
Not surprisingly, this graph could basically be flipped upside down, and retitled, Imprisonment Percentages and be pretty damn spot on. It would be funny if it weren’t sad. But hey, at least our housing market is doing AWESOME!
Miss Landmine Survivor Beauty Pageant 2008, Angola
Author: spencer26 Mar
Luanda, Angola — The 27-year-long Angola civil war has been over for six years but the number of civilian victims continues to rise. Tens of thousands have been injured or maimed by landmine explosions, leaving the population shattered and ravaged by a war whose fallout has yet to meet its half-life.
In an effort to restore dignity and confidence to its civilian population, the de-mining commission of Angola is hosting a Miss Landmine Survivor Pageant, with eight women, one from each province, each maimed by a landmine, competing and simultaneously becoming the public faces for their own cause. Its intent is to boost the self-esteem of landmine survivors, and to show the beauty in strength and determination, and truly, the “beauty in all people.” The pageant will be held on April 2nd in Luanda, Angola.
Following the pageant, the First International Day for Mine Awareness and Assistance in Mine Action will be held on April 4th. For further information on the International Campaign to Ban Landmines, please right-click here.
Millions of un-detonated mines litter the southwestern African nation. While it costs roughly $5 to manufacture a landmine, it takes nearly $1,000 to safely dismantle one.
Voting for the Miss Landmine Survivor Pageant is to be held online. You can VOTE for who you would like to see win. Me, I’m voting for Miss Cubango. Right now she’s in 2nd place. Check out her stats:
Miss Cuando Cubango
Generosa Cassinda
Age: 30
City: Menongue
Mine accident: 1989
Kids: 2 (10,8)
Occupation: Street vendor
Dream job: Economist
Favourite color: White
Clothes: American Apparel, € 36
Jewellery: Myffdesign, € 15
Location: Fortaleza São Miguel, Luanda
Mine: NO-4 anti-personnel
Release: pressure
Explosive: 188 g TNT
Produced by: Israel
Daaaamn….
This blog is nice and heartfelt. Here’s where I fuck things up.
I’m sorry, I know that it’s wrong to reference things like amputee porn in a blog about such a moving, good-hearted and humanitarian event like the Miss Landmine Survivor Pageant. But really, there are few rewarding job opportunities for people missing their limbs, and life is tough as it is. I’m pretty sure that in America, you can’t even get a meatpacking job if you’ve lost your hand (unless you lost your hand at a prior meatpacking job, then I think they’ll “hook you up.” Ouch.). And let’s face it, these women are gorgeous and legless, and I am pretty sure there’s a market for that. Actually, I’ve seen the aisle at the ‘specialty video store,” I’m sure there’s a market for it. Oh please one-leggy lady, won’t you ampu-tease me.
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