As if it weren’t bad enough that every health guru on the planet decries the consumption of almost everything you’d ever want to eat as bad, but now some yokel has gone and ruined my new diet by slapping a name to drinking a lot and eating very little: Drunkorexia.

The subtle art of perfecting drunkorexia isn’t so tough, really. All you have to do is drink a ton of water during peak eating times (most of the time when you feel hungry, you’re really just thirsty. Try it out), then when you get off work or are in a dark corner of your office, start drinking. The water imbibed beforehand will hydrate you up and act as a nice base for the copious alcohol consumption you’ll indulge in for the better part of the night and wee morning hours. Once you get the alcohol hunger satiated, you are free to have a small morsel to whet the appetite: cheap pizza, a streetcorner hot dog, etc. Voila! Weight loss in extreme chunks! Just add cigarettes, some depressing rock music on the stereo and you’re on your way to heroin chic in no time!

Apparently, this new “trend” has been gaining attention in national media outlets. The report went on to mention other trends in the lexicon of eating disorders, none of which make any sense to me.

Me, I don’t like to be labeled, but let’s just say I haven’t not lost almost 20 pounds in two months by way of what experts are now calling “drunkorexia.” Luckily I now have a name to associate to my irrevocable happiness at the slender nature of my torso, but I imagine I’ll be giving it a rest now that it’s officially a “trend.” Fucking doctors…

Tags: alcohol | drunkorexia | Eating Disorders

Related posts

Be Social:
  • This scrumptious piece of content has relatives in Beer, Chico, Idiocy, Random