The Night of 1,000 Elvi

Elvis Presley impersonators, historically barred from the gates of The King’s Graceland Estate and hunted down like rabid dogs, will finally be given their proper acknowledgement by the powers that be.

ELVIS PRESLEY ENTERPRISES ANNOUNCES FIRST-EVER OFFICIAL ELVIS TRIBUTE ARTIST CONTEST WITH THE WINNER NAMED (ELVIS TRIBUTE ARTIST OF THE YEAR�

MEMPHIS, TN – November 16, 2006 – For the first time ever, Elvis Presley Enterprises, Inc. (EPE) will produce an official Elvis tribute artist competition. The company announced today that it will launch a search for contestants for the (Ultimate Elvis Tribute Artist Contest.� Contestants will be selected at existing Elvis tribute artist contests, along with fairs, festivals and other venues holding new contests. The qualifying rounds and finals will be held in Memphis during the 30th Anniversary Elvis Week.

SPECULATION:
While this event is momentous (to a small, yet vocal segment of society I suppose), I believe that this event will prompt something truly spectacular, more so than 1,000 shaking and convulsing Elvi. (ed. note: yes, the plural form of (Elvis� is (Elvi.� Just like the plural form of (Jesus� is (Jesi.�)

It is my belief that the sheer power of The Ultimate Elvis Tribute Contest will force Andy Kaufman to stun the world by bringing himself back from the dead, coming out of retirement to WIN THE WHOLE SHEBANG. Imagine, if you will, the looks on all the contestants faces when the first nationally recognized Elvis impersonator reveals that he had, as often speculated, faked his own death in 1984, only to return when the world most needed him: to thwart the 4th sign of the apocalypse. (Bible historians have often noted that the 4th sign of the apocalypse will be 1,000 Elvi assembled in one place, doing pelvic thrusts. It's true, look it up.) That shit will be epic.

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