Yanni Review

“Dear Sirs,

I should like to relay a message to the vermin who wrote the following “review” on Yanni’s “If I Could Tell You” some time ago:

My life is officially over. Not only have I now actually listened to a Yanni record, but I actually didn’t absolutely hate it. It’s kind of like when you’re wiping your ass, and your hand accidentally slips into the nether world of poopyness, then by some unknown force, you feel compelled to smell your hand. And even though you know it’s supposed to smell like shit, and it does smell like shit, there’s still a somewhat pleasing quality to it. This record, in all measures, is an absolute piece of crap. It sounds like music yuppie old people would try to have kinky sex to. But despite this, I still couldn’t help but smell the poopyness, and find it a little bit appealing.

-Daniel Taylor

As you can see, it calls itself Daniel Taylor but I do not see any way of contacting it directly on your web page. Is there a way to get its e-mail address or could you instead relay my message to it for me? I should be most appreciative. I have taken the liberty of attaching my message herewith in case you are willing to oblige me. Of course, you are most cordially invited to post it, along with my e-mail address (uvoufo@yahoo.co.uk) on your web page if you so wish. Again, many thanks.

Message to Daniel Taylor:

Dear Daniel,

So, may you (never) rest in peace and good riddance. Man, it’s amazing how idiots of your kind can think (?) that comments like yours could, in reality, detract from beauty such as Yanni’s work of art. You may not realise it (no, of course, you just couldn’t), but yours is by far the best review I have ever read on “If I Could Tell You,” and it only goes to prove that even despite your worthless self, you could not escape the magic of his talent and the indescribable glory of his heavenly music. I am absolutely certain Yanni himself would agree with me in this respect. Incidentally, your very happy demise was not caused by your having listened (mind you, not just heard) Yanni’s record (and “didn’t absolutely hate it” [naturally, you simply couldn't because NOBODY could]), but by the fact that instead of just smelling your fingers after your hand slipped into your rotten nether world, you went on and sucked on them. So, you are very rightfully and deservedly dead.

Very cordially yours,

Nelson López”

Daaaaaaaammmmn…….

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